Confused

I faced my worst nightmare today by trying to change my computer fan to a more silent one. My desktop ended up not being able to turn on and now i having difficulty planning my Shenzhen trip. The Shenzhen trip is a great risk that i decided to take. At first, i intend to go there to look for opportunity products to bring back to singapore to sell due to the low cost incurrence. However, i'm thoroughly afraid that this would be a wasted trip if not planned properly. It is way too risky and i am in a dilema.

Not that my mum don't want to give me the money but i feel depressed using it. There is no freedom in using someone else money knowing that you will have to pay them back some day. My mum don't expect me to pay her back but i just don't feel good using the money.

I'm still wondering when will i get out of this torturing state of financial instability because it is limiting my choices in life.

I wish i can be a carefree person like him who spents without thinking and living day by day happily with no doubts and uncertainties.

I'm just too complicated!