This monster cannot carry on no longer but yet i cant stop myself from being myself. The part about myself is to do the most i can to the person i truely love even to change habits or things which she doesnt like or tolerate. But when this happens the part of me becomes more sensitive towards whatever the person says or do. And then in isolation causes self destruction mentality inside my head. One part of it is good but yet the other is bad. Higher ups and lower downs describes the capacity of my risks and the danger of it when the lower downs affect my decision. However the higher ups also sustain the risks i am adhere to and to minimize as much of it as possible. That is one factor that is essential for me to stay on the right direction. The wind always blow forward, and never backwards. However, if the wind turns into a